I think I love the things I love because I can relate to them.
The reason I love Zelda,Mario,Vampire Diaries are because I can relate to them. I put myself in there situations and I feel like them although not exactly the same. Vampire Diaries I’ll use as my example. I feel like I know decide my feelings on the ‘Vampires’ and I’m like Elena. They can be good and bad just like us but people judge me for that mainly my parents. It’s not our place to judge people because of there choices when it comes to that really. I feel like a perfect mix of Elena and Damon. I just do. Zelda is obvious. I’m a courageous guy it feels like especially of late and I want to find and save the princess and let it be magical. Same with Mario I guess. I just find myself not getting interested in shows I can relate too but obsessed with things I can. It’s weird.
This past year ba-bam. I can definetly tell I’m growing up in the past few months especially but I’m nowhere where I need to be. Things that weren’t important to me are now important and things that were important no longer are. I honestly have been hurt but quite a few people but you know what looking back at it I don’t hate anyone except for one person. His name? Steve. Besides that I dont love them of course but I don’t hate them and not really too mad. I wish them luck on there lives and journeys and while I’m glad our ways parted I hope they do ok. I’ll always have my good memories with them. I’m making memories now with my wonderful friends that have earned it at the time being and I think I’ve got a wonderful close cirlce of friends. I could be proven wrong and if I do I’ll go through the process again and it’ll happen again. This to me is growing up because even a year ago I wouldn’t of done this.
I’m doing it. I’m working on getting my life back on track and I’m proud to say it. I’m working on going higher up in my company to management,I’m working on relationships,I’ve been talking to a girl for the past year we’ve never met but once we do I think it’ll be wonderful and could have sparks,I’m working on losing some weight and gaining some muscle and eating healthier. I’m working on doing the right thing a lot more and trying to get back into God. Right now I’m young so I’m trying to get all my impulses out before I get older and regret it but I’m trying. I’ve got to say for the most part I’m proud of myself. I want to live my life happily and wise. After watching my Great Granny pass it’s just I’m still in shock and loss of words. Its hard to explain. But I will get my life back on track slowly but surely. Hopefully by my 20th birthday I’m at or close where I want to be.
My enemy posted this: Day Twenty-Five A friend that I lost that I am better without/wish I still had… I have tons of friends that I am better off without. Heather P.,Robert,Katy,Shaine,Curtis,Meko,and Kyle just to name a few. It seems that I for whatever reason attract shitheads. I hate this about myself. But I can’t change it. I am too accepting of people’s personalities. I never know it is terrible until it’s too late.
*ahem* You have taken my reason in life. You are the one of the biggest crapheads on the planet. You are the one that lost me and Heather because you just had to have sex with James because you don’t know of a thing called self-control EVER. You are the one that got me misguided in life. Don’t get me wrong I let you do it by trust and ‘friendship’…but I lost myself with you. Me and Heather may not be 100% the same and very different but you know what…I will always respect her and lovee her and be her friend even if we don’t and won’t always agree. She taught me that you can’t always believe what people say about you because if I went by what people said I’d hate her. I honestly was scared of her at first for no good reason. There was no good reason to talk about her the way I did I believed people’s crap. I am not saying I am perfect or right all the time because I’m far from it…but I am not like you one freakin bit. You are the craphead that dont have to work for anything you just cry to your mom and dad and BA-BAM its there. You big loser baby. Grow up and face the music one day Mommy and Daddy wont be there anymore. Then what will you do? I know hating is wrong but you know what. I hate you. I really do. I freakin HATE you. If you look up piece of crap you’re face is beside it. The only thing worse than you in life are murderers,rapists and child molestors. Besides that you’re the scum of the earth. How does that feel you crapface? I’ve been having trouble letting you go from my life honestly. You were my first roommate/first experience on my own..etc. I lost everything for you but still I had hope maybe one day you’d change. I lost all contact with you and had let you go as a friend yes but I still didnt want to totally 100% delete you from my life. Until within this last week when I had an issue and needed you to take care of it since you know it involved you and I couldn’t do it without you giving it back/being present but you decided to be a buttmunch and talk to me like that then ignore me. I. HATE. YOU. This will be my final post and final thought about you honestly until you get those herpes or get pregnant. Then I’ll be the first to laugh in your freakin face ‘dirty ho.’
It’s funny how people say time heals wounds…cause frankly, I still miss you as much as I did 365 days ago and every day is just another heart-wrenching reminder that I have slowly become your distant memory; somebody that you used to know.
Haha you wanna be like that you freakin buttnugget? I ain’t stupid I can CLEARLY see you read it. I freakin hate everything about you…I CANT STAND YOU I HATE YOU BNH. Oh it’s on like Donkey Kong. I will let NO ONE use me anymore or take me over anymore STARTING with you. It’s time for some class A revenge and when I’m done with you well…you’re going to be sorry. I can find out anything I need to about you thanks to the internet and whitepages. Wah-lah.
If I could be granted the power to use one spell from Harry Potter the spell I’d use would definetly be obliviate. I wanna forget everyone that’s hurt me too much,moved on,or forgotten about me. It just hurts too bad somedays. I’ve actually been in the mood to read and watch Harry Potter since I’ve only read first 3 books and seen first and last 2 movies but damn are they expensive. Maybe one day I’ll be rich.
Zelda,oh how you just said the wrong sentence about friendship. It got me thinking. Ugh. I miss everything we had and what it was going to be. We were the three musketeers or I felt like that anyways. And I screwed it up. I can’t help but blame myself lately. These past few nights(well when I’m here and not working for the worlds biggest dick) I just cant help but cry and think about it. I thought I was over it I mean hell I cant change the past and hey it was a 50/25/25 kind of thing in some sort of way all of us chose it but still I cant help but just blame myself lately. I’ve learned this: Sometimes doing the right thing is not always the right thing to do. I just feel like everything changed so rapidly. I’ve lost quite a few friends over this,some friendships changed,and just in general blech. While this is probaly a better situation in more ways in some ways it isn’t. I need to get over this but right now and I have a feeling for a while it’s going to be stuck in my heart. At least I know of one thing that’ll never change. My favorite number. 99.
Off to work for another 8 and a half hours of my life at midnight. Off Sunday night thank heavens. 40 hours this week ugh. Wouldnt be so bad if it wasnt under “training” under that stupid douchebag and they kept me same shift. Wednsdays going to suck major sweaty hairy balls. If only they replaced you then everything would be A-ok. Well B ok but I can handle B’s. lol Right now we’re at D’s. Taking a quick nap before.
I dont understand. I dont understand how two people can be so freakin evil and seem to have no heart. Such shady people that like to cause and see pain on others. I believe everyone has a little evil in them. Everyone has the urge to do bad. But these two are definetly out of the ordinary. One already got me I just didnt completely realize it. The second one’s gunning after me. And dude if you win you definetly wont “win” because I’ll make your life a living hell. Your ass will be mine. You’ll be sorry. I will definetly win in the end. I’m tired of taking it from everyone. Look where thats gotten me. Forced to have to move back in with my granny. I have a new word in my vocabulary. Revenge. If you mess with me,I’ll mess with you twice as hard. You’ll be sorry for effin with me. Stupid people. I’ve come to the conclusion 19 out of 20 people suck. Maybe even more but right now thats my conclusion.
Man today’s just been an awful day for me. I want to hate you,and theres days I think I do and then theres days I just cant hate you. You did nothing to me directly although these repraccusions(yep spelled wrong I know) definetly suck and I’m definetly suffering from them. Things were not suppose to be this way. Not suppose to be this way at all and its all because of you they are. And everyone else hates you so why cant I? Because while I’m not saying what you did was right it wasnt nothing towards me,and in the beginning you didnt mean to hurt her. You didnt want this to happen. It was my big mouth thats partly to blame that all this went down. You’re not a horrible person especially not nearly as horrible as people make you out to be,but still there’s days I just cant help but feel a little or sometimes even a lot of hatred towards you. You’re so messed up but hell everyone is I’m so messed up too. I hate my mixed feelings I wish I could just have one freakin solid feeling towards you,towards each individual,hell towards life in general and stick with that. But everyday things change,people change and unfortunately feelings change. Friends forever? Pfftt. When one makes a promise such as this keep it. Otherwise dont make the promise. It just fucks up and hurts everyone later on down the road. I get attached way too easily and get dependent way too easily. And when the people I’m attached too and depended on are gone I’m a lost puppy once again. I just wish I could reverse back time and change it. I wish things were how they were suppose to be. Not how they are now. Don’t get me wrong. Living over here is all swell and dandy and no complaints but I don’t look up to and depend on them as much as I did to y’all. This puts my list up to five people I’ve lost like this and it looks like the number will be eight soon. What’s the sad part? If it gets to eight people,six of the people on the list will be in some way related and because of you. Six damn people. I pray it won’t happen but I can see signs it’s about to. I just wish my heart was stone cold. A good friend keeps warning me if people don’t stop pretty soon it will be. Maybe that wont be such a bad thing. No feelings in life sound pretty appealing right now. Because my feelings just seem to get hurt,squished and disregarded. Heres the end of my rant for the day. I feel a little bit better typing it all out instead of keeping it all in.